I'm one of those people who always tries to take other people's feelings into consideration. So when people in my life fail to do so, it hurts me more than it maybe should.
Maybe I'm just being silly...
I sometimes struggle to recognize if I'm overreacting or just... reacting. And how do we draw the line, really? Don't we all struggle to understand our feelings at some point? When are they valid? When are they unnecessary? When do you act on them, and when do you just let them go? None of us are perfect, and none of us have all of the answers. So how the hell do we deal?
I'm feeling quite low tonight, which I'm sure you guessed as I am blogging... the ultimate therapy for when I'm going a bit crazy inside. Things are stagnant in my life, that's for sure. I'm not working, barely looking, and barely playing. I've met a wonderful man and will be seeing him soon (he lives elsewhere), but I can't rely on him to solve every mishap in my heart. I can't rely on anyone for that... I have only myself to rely on, really.
Maybe you ARE being silly, Shaneil...
I know I have wonderful people in my life, who love me endlessly. However, not all of them really get me, get me. I'm a complicated gal, with emotions constantly changing, like the waves of the sea... No tide the same, always changing, always evolving, always super flippin' emotional...
I think what's really bothering me is feeling like I don't belong. I was so excited to move down here, and now all I can think about is getting to San Francisco. For one reason or another, I constantly feel left out, left behind, and left alone. I crave my alone time, no doubt about it, but generally crave the affection of another. I like attention. I know this. You know this. But much more than attention, I just want to be understood... accepted and loved and understood to a point where I don't have to feel bad for feeling like... me. I'm okay with me. I'm happy with me. I understand and accept my flaws and embrace my good qualities. Unfortunately, not everyone understands how I operate, and what I really need from others...
Thank the heavens I found a man who does... <3
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Yup, that's it.
No resolution on this one.
.........
Stop reading! It's really done...
... until next time, my loves ....
BYE!
