Keep Calm & Carry On

I'm feeling down.

And as usual, when I feel down, I write.

So, finally, I'm on another post. Only number 3 so far... but that's not so bad, considering it's because good ol' life has gotten in the way! Between moving, then leaving town to visit home for a week, then returning to San Diego, and looking for a job, and catching up with my roommates, and organizing my room, and planning my new life, and researching vegan... ism...

Well, you see why I've been busy!

There is a lot going on, thank goodness, for my heart is heavy... Returning home for a week really opened up some old wounds... deep wounds... and as much as I'd like to throw a bandaid on them and pretend they'll heal, they won't. Not if I ignore them. I have to face them... and slowly but surely, they are creeping up on me. And, of course, they mostly have to do with men. My father, my uncle, and my first love. *Sigh*. Awesome.

Without diving too deep into my pool of feelings... I will just say that I'm going through one of those life experiences that we all need to feel. I'm recognizing the need to heal parts of my heart I didn't realize were so broken. Though my feelings about my uncle are quite different from the rest, the rest... well, the rest is a lot. A lot of confusion. A lot of bad memories. A lot of 'Now what?'. Now, what... what is the now? I don't know yet. It's all a bit blurry. I do know, however, that time will heal; courage will strengthen me; love will guide me; and patience will teach me. I will learn lessons and move forward. I will be okay.

No matter what, I think it's important to focus on what I can change. I cannot change the way someone feels. I cannot change someone's actions, or lack thereof. I cannot change the past. What I can change is my attitude about it all. I can control my actions. I can let a situation break me down, or I can grow from it. It really is a choice. I'm making the choice to continue on, loving myself and working on myself. I'm in a place where the world is mine. I have the time, the drive, the motivation, the support, and the love to do whatever I desire. I haven't forgotten that. Though my heart is heavy, my spirit keeps me light. I just have to spread those wings, and fly. Keep faith in myself. Stay strong and patient. Remain calm and kind. Always learning, always growing, always loving. Everything is fine.

Or, at least... it will be.